Post birthday blues meets dance confidence fail…

Its not post birthday blues, its post facebook birthday blues. My birthday itself didn’t involve a lot of partying or anything special at all actually. I got take out, I chatted to my parents, and I dyed my hair. So I really don’t think I have blues from that! But the thing about birthdays these days is facebook. As a person who is used to not a great deal happening on my facebook, birthdays are a bit surprising. Every time I open the page there are more notifications with well wishes from lots of lovely people from all over. And then its over. The birthday is done, and my page returns to its quietness. Which is actually kinda depressing. Now every time I click on it, there is nothing. Time to look at it less, thinks I. but it is a little strange, to get so many comments on 1 day and then it immediately stops again.

So maybe that is part of my blues feeling.

I am a person who used to be so good at not sleeping – I mean, I had to be, I was the queen of insomnia. I am no longer that person. I still get random bouts of insomnia. But these days, tiredness really shows. Not just on my face but also in my mood.

Its like dance weekends. I love dance weekends. You get to hang out with people you’ve met like once before, and you get to learn stuff, and there is always some great dancing. And then you go home again. And real life kicks in. and in my case the dancing dies.

I have this week been at a not quite all time low, but am just finding a lack of dance confidence. Went dancing last night and just felt so incredibly uninspired. And yes, it wasn’t my sort of music, but going dancing should still make me feel good. It wasn’t a good night for me. I was off my game. And I was lamenting my lack of progress. Seeing the dancers who were about my level when I first got here, but who are now so much better than me… it just saddens me some times. I’m not jealous that they’re good, I’m sad that I’m not. And that its my fault. I haven’t taken regular classes since I’ve been here. And its really starting to show. But added to that, the folks that are really upping their game, are the folks who spend their free time practising and working on new things. And I don’t know how to get into the mindset of doing this. I am in the habit of getting in from work/wherever and crashing out on the couch. And then I can easily lose the whole evening caught up in things I wanted to do on the internet or shows I “need” to watch. The few times I have thought about how I should get up and practise stuff, I just don’t know where to start. I mean, practising a jazz routine works, but there's only so long I can do a jazz routine before I get bored and want to sit down, or remember something else I was supposed to do. But I cant really see a way out of this dance confidence issue, other than to dance more. The only way the confidence will improve is if the dancing improves. And the only way for the dancing to improve is for me to practice more, right?

I have been saying for some time now, to various people who are mostly unable to help, that I want someone to practice with – a practice partner or dance partner, or group to work on stuff with. But I just don’t know how you even find one. It seems so difficult to organise when not taking classes, thus not provided with a ‘could we just try that?’ situation. And I feel like all the people of my level who want a partner probably already have one. I know that working with people of different levels can really help – dancing with a bunch of beginner dancers recently totally highlighted some of my major failings, but practising with someone who can feel the subtle changes I can make sounds so much more useful. Which creates the whole judgement involved of what is “my level”… I mean, dancing with someone who is better than me brings my dancing up a level. But then if I’m practising one set of stuff that they already have, wont I then be holding them back, getting in their way, being annoying to them? I’m one of those people who learns quickly, so I get frustrated in classes where something that seems so straight forward to me seems so difficult to someone else. It is a case of, if you don’t lead anything, there's not a whole lot I can do – I mean I could walk thru it, but then how would that help either of us. Equally, there are times when I realise I am totally not following, just walking thru motions (in classes and socially), and I wish someone would tell me to stop it. I’ve led in enough classes to know how annoying it can be. 

So basically I’m looking for a great dancer, who will tell me when I’m wrong, put up with me being terrible/clumsy/needing to constantly practice everything I find hard, have good ideas, motivate me, and have plenty of free time to practice in… oh and doesn’t already have a partner… Yeah, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t exist. And if he did I would probably wanna marry the guy instead, so…

Usch. Should it really require this much thought…?

Oh and with all that left over time and motivation, I need to learn Swedish… right…

... and in other news

Look at this beautiful baby polar bear
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mby6lnd7AR1qasthro1_400.gif

And I really like postcards. And other snail mail. And if you all (if anyone is reading this) are bored, you could send me mail…

I feel like someone gave my colleagues sugar – there are more things than usual being thrown around the room….

I feel like facebook stalking has become my newest hobby. How do I fix this? Or does anyone have suggestions of good people to stalk..??

On Appearance in Dancing

I have been spending too much time reading lindy blogs lately. I say too much because of the amount of time I’ve spent composing responses (and actually sending a couple) or wanting to compose responses.

There seems to be an excess of blogs right now about what follows look like, what they should look like and whether this has any relevance to choosing a dance partner. I think this all came from this testimonial (here) originally about how a larger lady has been finding it difficult and depressing to go dancing. And by the sounds of it, her experiences, it does suck. I can only take from her blog that which is written – I don’t know her or her scene. But, I still wanted to offer opinions, mostly similar to the comments written, about how attitude can make a huge difference. That maybe no one dislikes her but she has bad timing, or bad luck.

But the conversation has moved on (slightly) to many posts about how important appearance is, or should be, in dancing. And I have read enough comments and posts to want to say more than just how much you can write in one comment on another person’s blog. Particularly I want to address this idea that some people think its despicable to even consider how someone looks when asking them to dance. (I think turning people down is a separate issue, to be addressed below)

But the post that most made me want to write this: vernacular jazz. And the one she references, here "expert testimony"
Now I don’t know if I just read things differently than most other people, but I certainly read thedancingbug’s post differently than the other blogger.

Cos what I read was that the lead, knowing nothing of dancing ability, picked the pretty girl. I mean, why shouldn’t he. The only information he’s been given here is that one is pretty and one is plain. You’re gonna look at someone, have fun (hopefully) with them for 3 mins, why would you not pick the one you want to look at?

And then he goes onto say that sometimes its more fun to challenge himself to make sure he's leading really clearly by dancing with a beginner, rather than not challenge himself by dancing with someone who follows exactly but adds nothing to the dance. I don’t understand why so many people are getting so critical here. As far as I can see, his deciding factor here isn’t necessarily attractiveness, but actually how fun the dance will be. That having a beginner realise they can do stuff is fun. And I don’t think that’s a bad thing. There is a stage when learning to follow when you do exactly what is lead and nothing more. And there is a stage when learning to lead where that is exactly what you want in a follow. But wouldn’t it get boring if that was all you got ever? Someone doing exactly what you want without even having an opinion? Doesn’t sound like a fun conversation to me.

As a follow, I like that I don’t have to make all (or even most) of the decisions on what moves or directions we’ll be going in. But dancing with someone who makes it hard for me to have any creative input is actually kinda naff. The most I’m likely to add is some random footwork or styling variations to try and follow the music. But I don’t wanna dance with resents my wanting to dance like me. How much more fun is it to dance with someone who sees my styling and thinks that’s cool, smiles and maybe even copies it. Or generally does a more exciting/entertaining/manly version of it.

So do I think the guy ‘interviewed‘ in the expert testimony is wrong, no not at all. The only problem I have is when choosing who do dance with only comes down to what someone looks like.

And I have a question for anyone who does think its despicable to even consider how someone looks when choosing who to ask to dance (please do comment, I am interested in the answer):
You want to dance, and you have 2 choices of who to ask. You can ask the hot guy/girl or the plain guy/girl. According to the definition of those yelling discrimination for considering hotness, I have no way of choosing between the two. If you don’t know anything about either of them, you haven’t met either of them, you don’t know how they dance, what do you have to go on? Only exactly what you see. So you pick the hot guy cos he’s hot. Or the plain one cos its less scary to dance with the not so hot one. Or you pick the one who has better clothes. Or better shoes. Or who smiles at you. As far as I can see, those saying that taking someone’s appearance into consideration are also saying that I would be discriminating by choosing for any of those reasons. So how exactly should I choose? I could choose the one that is closer to me. That’s not discrimination right. But what if the other guy is wearing an awesome top and I could say that as an icebreaker? Aren’t I then discriminating based on clothes? But if that’s my only icebreaker, and that could lead to a better dance should I do it anyway? I mean, isn’t the fun dancing what I came for?

Don’t get me wrong, I am all for destroying discrimination, but I think people have lost sight of what actually matters. Choosing who to ask to dance… really? If someone refused to dance with anyone who isnt small and blond, ever, then you could call them out on discrimination. But asking one person over another, there has to be a reason somewhere, it has to come down to something. So many of these comments flying around are just so unnecessarily harsh! Some days I choose dance partners based on their hair – if I’m the one asking, why shouldn’t I? There’s nothing else separating them.




On turning people down…
I am not the sort of person who turns people down. I was ‘raised’ in a scene where you don’t say no. in actual fact, I can think of 2 times where I have. One was a friend, who was being particularly annoying and I was being petty and didn’t want to dance with him. So I said no. on the grounds that he would still be my friend after, and I would dance with him at some point…
The other time seemed to have done more (unintentional) damage. I was asked to dance by a guy that I don’t know, but had seen before. He is not great at dancing, and seems to be quite shy. So why would I turn him down – mostly because I had just come off the floor after a couple of fast songs, and sat down with my fan and water. Did it cross my mind that he isn’t a great dancer and I am not fond of dancing with people who don’t seem to get rhythm, absolutely. Did it help that he talks quietly and I couldn’t understand what he was saying (I am English but live in Sweden and while my Swedish is improving some phrases I just never understand), no, but that alone wouldn’t have made me say no. should I have danced with him, just to save his ego, no I don’t think so.

I do think there are times to say no to dances. If I have just danced however many songs, or the music is faster than I can/want to move, then why is it better to spend that 3 mins or so trying to pretend its fun, or whatever, just because someone decided no one’s allowed to say no. don’t get me wrong, I like the idea of ‘don’t say no’, but it isnt entirely practical. I’ve definitely had dances where I wish the other person has said no! Cos you know what's not fun, dancing with someone who is not enjoying concentrating so hard because the song is too fast for them and then watching them mess up. You know what else is not fun, being pulled around all over the place by a lead whose solution to the song being too fast for him is for him not to move and me to run around all over the place. I do get that learning to dance fast requires practice, and starts with dancing badly to fast music while trying to work out how to do it better. And I am definitely guilty of having made it thru music too fast for me simply by being a far too heavy follow and making the lead move me. Which is why I think people should be less embarrassed and be ok with saying I cant do this yet.

Any other time where I have said no, its not been no so much as a postponed dance. if I am gasping for air, water or a lower temperature when asked I will suggest dancing the next song instead. And that always seems like a good solution to me.

But the idea that the original girl is commenting on is the idea of being turned down entirely because of the way you look. I have never seen someone refusing to dance with someone based on their looks. Nor have I heard of it in any scene I have danced in. which is not to say that it doesn’t happen. And yes that must be a horrible thing to experience. And its in those cases where I understand all of the angry comments about how appearance shouldn’t come into dancing, but for the most part, I think people are getting too angry with not enough reasoning.

Thoughts??

Social Responsibility and the Lindy Floor...

Social responsibility
It was pointed out to me recently, that I have a blog, which I don’t often use anymore. I said that there are a mountain of half written blog posts on my computer, which just never got finished. So here is a small lindy rant that I started a little while ago, and is somewhere near where a post should be before posting… maybe… comments/questions/opinions??

Floorcraft and class levels
Someone said to me recently, isn’t it frustrating that the top level dancers don’t come out to dance all the time. Well to me, no. there is only a limited amount of space on the floor, and honestly at times I wish there would be less people there, regardless of how good they are. And sometimes, its worse when they are good – I know there is potential for awesome dances, but when there isn’t space, its just not quite awesome... and besides, just cos the dancers you have heard of don’t come out every week, doesn’t mean the dancers that do aren’t still a little bit awesome. 
I like to think that I am somewhere in the top half (abilitywise) of the regular social dancers in my local scene. Which means, without wanting to big myself up – and that is def not my intent, that our top level of regular social dancers are pretty damn good. So no, they may not be the names you’ve heard of, but there’s plenty of inspiration around the place as far as I’m concerned. And those dancers you have heard of, they’re around. They teach some classes, they dj, and just every once in a while they appear and give us a show.

Since I expect this is only read by friends, this makes it harder to make comments without them seeming personal. Huh…
I recently went to a dance camp where the levels were named after animals instead of the usual beginner/intermediate/advanced. And I like the idea of making people read the level description instead of them just picking the name that they associate with their level of dancing. The only problem comes, in my opinion, with the introduction of time. If you say someone must have been dancing for 1 year to make this level, and a person has been dancing for 2 years, they will assume the level will be too easy. Similarly comments like ‘one of the top dancers in your local scene’ can be somewhat misleading depending on the size of your scene. But somewhere the descriptions have to be defined. And it can have the opposite effect with people levelling themselves too low – for example, a camp I went to last year has an advanced level and a master class level. I am not “international teacher level” so will never put myself in their master class level. But I did take one of their classes last year and would have been fine to do the weekend at that level. So, while knowing it can be hard to place yourself, I’m glad I’m not the one writing the level descriptions – I def couldn’t do a better job! 
But the comment I really wanted to make about it, is the idea of social responsibility. I understand that people want to push themselves, people like a challenge, but I do think people should remember that they are not the only ones in a class that their choice of level affects. The experience of the other participants relies on some sort of social responsibility. Don’t get me wrong, I love dancing with people who are much better than me – it makes it so much easier to learn something if the other person already has it down. But I’ve also been in classes where I’ve felt like I was holding someone else back. And that’s just unfair. So yes, its nice to be challenged, but if you don’t already have the blocks that the teachers are trying to build on, you wont be able to get it. Which means that each time you dance with someone, they wont get it. Or they wont know if they’ve got it. So it isn’t enough to say I want a challenge.
The best attitude I’ve seen on this came from a guy I met at Herräng. I switched levels, and when I told him he would be fine in the higher level, he said he thought that may be true, but he knows he doesn’t learn fast, so would rather stay in the lower level. I thought this was wonderful. Esp because the dance world seems overrun by people trying to be a higher level than they are. I think everyone gets to the point (some quicker than others) where they realise that these level names are just names, and that what's more important is being in the class where you get taught the things you most need to work on. People seem to be more bothered by whether the class is named intermediate or advanced rather than what its working on, or what they need to be working on.
Also, if you’re taking an advanced class, act like it. Dance your best all the time. Yes we get tired and cant always give it 100%, but your level of input shouldn’t be based on who your current partner is/who you’re trying to impress! If you need a break take a break, watch for a while, or walk thru the steps. But don’t just come in and give it 50% because you don’t know your partner or you think they matter less. Or because these teachers aren’t the internationals that you’re trying to impress. Surely your dance ability should be based on what level you actually dance at rather than what level you can dance at when you’re at your peak and everything is going right, once or twice a year…!

Floorcraft
HELLO – is it really that complicated? If there's someone already in that space, don’t fling your partner at them!! Yes I dance on a very crowded dance floor, and no it isn’t as fun to spend the whole time watching where you are and where everyone else is, but its more fun than getting trodden on!! I am a big believer that the after effects of dancing should be a happy buzz, and not a lot of bruises. So yes, this counts as social responsibility, but if there isn’t space to dance, then don’t. I’m not saying its all leaders fault, followers have responsibility too for watching the space around them. And yes sometimes these things happen, but if you stand on more than 3 different people in the space of one song, you’re doing it wrong!
Thing is, I’ve done enough leading to know it isn’t that simple. You’re busy trying to remember moves, working out what to lead next, and how to lead it. So yes adding floorcraft into that mix, it isn’t easy. But it isn’t optional. I’ve danced with enough leads who’ve said lets not dance next to them, he/she is dangerous. Which means that the dancer in question has been there often enough that people are aware of their approach (or lack of) to floorcraft. Maybe this should get mentioned in classes. Maybe its cos as an English person I’ve noticed that we seem to be much more afraid of touching strangers, but crashing into people isn’t enjoyable, even if it doesn’t always hurt. Apart from anything else, it disturbs your dance! Be more aware people!!
And if you do stand on someone, particularly if you’re wearing heels, at least have the decency to apologise!!